Behaviour
Do What You’re Told! – Siobhan O’Rourke’s advice
How to get children to cooperate without having to bribe, threaten, coax, cajole scream, force or just give in…. It might seem obvious as you are reading this that the best way to get children to do what they are told is actually to TELL them. Simple? No. Not really. If you stop and think about it we rarely tell our children what to do in simple, straightforward, concrete ways. We explain, we justify, we argue and we often end up ranting at them before storming off to do ourselves what we wanted the child to do. Below are my top tips on how to get your child to be more co-operative.
Positive Instruction
1. Give the instruction in clear, short simple sentences
2. If necessary break tasks into small steps
3. Use a warm, confident, matter of fact tone which assumes you will have cooperation
4. Sound positive and enthusiastic about the task
5. Be clear whether you are offering a choice of times and tasks
6. Be clear if the task is optional or compulsory
7. Provide help and companionship if needed (regardless of age) but stay in leadership role and expect cooperation
8. Stick to the point and repeat instructions if necessary – use gestures and demonstrate if verbal instruction is not working
9. Use specific praise – ‘You put that in very neatly, well done’
10. Make it fun but get the job done
If the child refuses after Positive Instruction issue a consequence – ‘Put the car on the shelf or no Dora the Explorer today, you choose’. Follow through calmly and gently and the message will sink in OVER TIME.
This can be adapted to any task or instruction for all ages from toddlers to teens. The tasks and consequences will vary but the basic principles are the same. Give the instruction without any frills or fuss, enable the child to do the task, help and accompany him through it as required, praise for effort and issue consequence if not done. There, simple isn’t it?
All you have to do is keep it up. Sometimes you’ll get it right and sometimes you’ll revert to the old mistakes. If you keep to these guidelines most of the time, you’ll have willing helpers some of the time and grudging cooperation the rest. From personal experience that’s as good as it gets. Rearing children can be like planting a tree – the positive growth is happening but it can takes many years to see the transformation from seedling to tree and others may get to see the results before we ever do. The results of our investment will go on long after we have passed on as strong, decent adults take their place in the world.